Ah, date nights. I remember those! Back when we were single and I was trying to woo her we did all sorts of interesting and creative things together. Usually cheap things, because we didn’t have much money. But like most couples, after a year or 11 of marriage it is easy to let this area of your relationship slip. There are extra complications with having a date night (I have 4 of them), and there is busy-ness, routine, and just plain laziness. Today’s post is a reminder to you married men that you need to keep dating your wife.
Make It A Priority
This is important, guys. Your relationship will not thrive if you don’t put in some time and effort. Gravity will be pulling it down, so you have to put in the effort to keep it moving onward and upward. Do you remember why you fell in love with each other and got married? I’ll give you the answer: You liked each other! In order to keep liking each other you will need to spend time together and have fun together. Just like when you were dating. Not convinced yet? Think of the reverse. You don’t want her to stop trying to seduce you, do you? You don’t want her to just go through the motions with her side of the relationship, right? So it stands to reason that she would love it if you put in some effort also. No matter what else is going on in your life – quality time and quantity time with your wife has to be a priority!
The hardest part is figuring out what to do. But don’t let this be overwhelming – you have a tremendous advantage in this area compared to when you were still single. You have spent years with her, and you know what she likes. Brainstorm: What did you do while dating? What music does she like? What food? What hobbies? Does she like art? Would she enjoy walking around an old quaint area? Or a park? Would she enjoy ice skating or roller skating? Take a dance lesson together. Has she mentioned any chick flick that she would like to see? Bowling? I don’t know, Laser Tag? (Ok, that one will only be a good idea for a few wives.) Would she like to double-date with another couple, or just spend time with you?
If you really don’t know – ask her. Say, “Hey honey, I want to do an awesome job of planning fun dates and times together for us. Let’s think of a bunch of great ideas so I will have something to start with.” Then write it down and don’t lose it! Oh, and this should not be the week before your anniversary or Valentine’s Day or it may appear that you have procrastinated.
This is key: If she ever says “That would be fun” Or “I’ve always wanted to do that” then for goodness’ sake, excuse yourself immediately and tell Siri to remind you! Write it down, knucklehead. Some may call this cheating, but I just call it using all of the tools available to you.
Remember – money isn’t necessarily required. You can get free babysitting from a relative, or trade babysitting with a trusted couple. Figure out a place to go to listen to music – lots of coffee shops and restaurants have live music that you can listen to over ice cream or coffee. Or take her somewhere to go window shopping. The Plaza in KC, or Nebraska Furniture Mart, or the mall, or wherever. She probably just wants to spend time with you. Of course that totally depends on what kind of girl you married, and partially depends on what stage of life you are in. Currently Dana would be thrilled if I got a babysitter and we went to Barnes and Noble for 2 hours. I know, because we’ve done that. A few times.
Eliminate the Barriers
So, you have identified that this is an important part of your relationship, and have come up with some ideas. Now you just need to do it, but it isn’t usually that simple. Why don’t you get it done? What gets in the way?
- Scheduling? If scheduling is an issue, plan a time to sit down with your wife with the calendar and plan out a couple months’ of dates. Have a discussion with her about what is a realistic frequency of dates…once a week? Once a month? Every other month? And then schedule them out. Book the babysitter now.
- Babysitter? If you don’t know who to call for babysitting, then talk with your wife or ask a friend.
- Anxiety? Are you insecure or anxious about whether your date night ideas will flop? (We’ve all been there. It feels risky!) Be confident – she likes hanging out with you. And it’s not like your dating days – she’s committed to you, and if the date flops then hopefully someday you can laugh together about it.
- Knowing what to do? Google it. What’s happening in your area? High school productions to the Symphony to a rodeo and everything in between.
- Just forget? Don’t procrastinate. Put in the time.
Make it happen, gents. Just Git-R-Done! Don’t be like the coach who always talks a good game, but can’t deliver in the 4th quarter. This is important, so just do it!
Remember, it’s the thought that counts. She will appreciate that you spent some time thinking of her! Don’t live a life of good intentions that never come to fruition. There are no shortcuts to wooing your wife. Take the time, make the plans, make the calls, and boldly lead your wife. She will appreciate it, and I guarantee that your marriage will be better off because of it.
Guys – share a creative idea that you’ve had in the past. I need all the help I can get!
Gals – brag on your hubby! What is a creative date night that he has planned for you?