“I just don’t like getting people in trouble.”
Our daughter was crying in our room one evening last week. We asked her what was going on and she was having some conflict with her siblings. What it came down to is that someone was being mean or unfair to her and she didn’t want to do anything about it because she didn’t want to make them unhappy. In my book, this is called “people-pleasing.” I know, because I do it too.
It Starts Out Ok…
People-pleasing is actually a very useful trait, because it helps you to, well, please people. I believe it is a gift that God places in a person. A people-pleaser is in tune with the needs of others and has a strong desire to meet those needs. It comes in handy in marriage, and in providing customer service. But like all good gifts, this gift can be twisted out of shape when it is taken too far or if it is tangled up with insecurity or pride. People-pleasing can become a deadly trap that immobilizes you with fear. You plan out every move you make, in fear that it will cause a problem for someone else. (Ironically, this often ends up annoying the very people you are trying to please. But that’s another post.) I have been there and done that, and I understand the inner workings of a people-pleasing mind. So, as my daughter cried because she didn’t want to have conflict with her siblings, I was able to explain a couple points to her. Continue reading