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Two Reasons to Get Out of the Accountability Rut

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Hannah_Bek2BW

We have talked a lot about accountability (see links below) and how it can help you become who you want to be. A better spouse. A better person. A better you! But like all good things, if you aren’t careful it can turn into a burden, a checklist, or a rut. A few months ago, I hit the check list roadblock.

It started slowly. I was late giving my report one time. Another time I hurried and banged it out in 4 minutes. I slowly started just answering the bullet points instead of sharing my heart. Then unfortunately I allowed my complacency to affect the way I responded to my partner’s accountability. My responses became shorter and shorter. My words of encouragement were few and far between.

Thankfully I have a wonderful friend, who kindly asked how I thought things were going. She asked me if I felt like the accountability was meeting my needs and if not, what she could do better. She also gave me the option to stop for now if I needed to. She could have said, “You are stinking at this accountability thing, and you are not helping you or me!” She would have been justified in doing so, but instead she chose the loving and grace-filled route.

I realized that I had forgotten the purpose of the accountability. I let Satan trick my mind into thinking it was yet one more thing that I had to check off my list. I forgot that the two main reasons you do accountability are to renew your mind and to love God and others better. Continue reading

Funny Things Happen When the Tables Are Turned

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Phone

At the beginning of the summer I took on a part time job at our church. Since April I have served as the Children’s Ministry Coordinator and have loved every minute of it. It is a fun job but a crazy, busy job. VBS filled up most of my summer and the time spent paid off since 48 children made a commitment to the Lord!! (Sidenote: International Spy Academy by Answers in Genesis was AWESOME!! I highly recommend it for your church!  Here is 2015’s Camp Kilimanjaro!)

In the past I worked 12 hours a week as a pharmacist. I got the privilege of working with my husband for most of my working career and loved it. My work schedule was less hectic than my husband’s manager job, but for the most part he took the time to eat lunch with me and connect with me throughout the day. It was great.

Then I got pregnant with our fourth child. We decided it was time for me to stay home. Not having those close connections during the week I started to crave more interaction with my husband. I wanted to know how he was doing, and I for sure wanted him to know what was going on in my day. I desired to hear his voice – to me it comforted my soul. Well, as we adjusted to the new way of doing things, I mourned the loss of our lunch dates and the random phone calls or emails. I began to get hurt when he could only give me 2 minutes of his time before he went on to his next meeting. There would be days when he would forget to call at lunch (which I am blessed that he does call on a fairly regular basis) and I would be sad and feel neglected. Continue reading

Wife Accountability – Weekly Questions

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Hannah_Bek2BW

In 3 different posts, we have described the ways that having an accountability partner has changed our lives. (Mine, hers, hubby’s.)  One of the secrets to our success was this list of accountability questions that I am going to share with you today. Purposefully focusing on accountability through these specific questions forced me to deal with issues head on, instead of continuing to procrastinate.  Remember that accountability questions will vary from person to person, depending on your life stage and your weaknesses and struggles. You can definitely use our questions as a guide, but pray about it and see where God is leading you. You may have different things to work on than we do. (Side note: after 8 months of doing these questions we have adjusted them to meet our new needs, so don’t be afraid to adjust as you go. You don’t have to ask each other the exact same questions either, if you don’t struggle with the same things. Just make sure you aren’t avoiding things that you should be working on.)

Our biggest area of conviction was that we weren’t spending enough time and energy taking care of our husbands. We felt like we were just giving them the leftovers, and we weren’t being as kind as we could be. Here are the questions we came up with to address those problems. After the questions I will explain the heart behind them. Continue reading

Wife Accountability – The Husband’s Perspective

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DSCN2157

You have heard my wife’s perspective on accountability and her accountability partner’s perspective.  Today I will share mine.

As I write this post, we are on our way to our 12th wedding anniversary.  Our marriage is awesome, but like all marriages, it has its good days and bad days.  I can honestly say that Dana’s accountability partner experiment over the last year has been a huge step in keeping our marriage moving in the right direction.  If you are married you may have noticed that after a certain stage it is a lot easier to get lazy and stop working on your marriage.  To get a little more short with them and a little less caring and serving.  You get in a rut.  We both get in a rut.  Here are a few ways that I’ve seen Wife Accountability help our marriage out of the rut and on to even better places. Continue reading

Accountability Partner Guest Post

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Hannah_Bek2BW

Today my accountability partner is going to share her thoughts about our weekly reports.  A little about our history: We have known each other for almost 10 years, and we started talking more in-depth about marriage and parenting three-ish years ago. Over time we have started sharing more and more personal things until last November, when we finally decided to be completely honest and divulge our inner struggles.  We have been giving each other weekly reports for almost eight months. All this to say is that it does take time to develop a relationship to the point where this is possible. Don’t stress if you don’t have this yet. God has been very faithful over the years to provide exactly what I need when I ask.

Here is her side of the story:

Continue reading

Accountability – Wife Version

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Hannah_Bek2BW

I always thought that having an accountability partner was for someone who had “a problem.” And I did not have a “problem”, well not really. I mean there are always things that I could do better of course, but I will get to them. Soon, I promise.

It took a while to realize, but when I was finally honest with myself I admitted I actually did have a problem. I was allowing my husband to slip to the bottom of my priority list and I was having a hard time getting him bumped back up. I had my reasons which I thought were pretty good, but these excuses didn’t help get things back into order.

I had allowed the business of life and the demands of kids get in the way.  I let tiredness and laziness rule my mind and my flesh. Luckily I was married to a very patient, servant-minded man who did not demand my attention. But the lack of attention was starting to wear on our marriage. I finally realized I needed help. Continue reading

Recalculating

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Garmin

This will be my last post of helpful tips that I have learned from moving. Today’s topic: Recalculating. I don’t know how many times I had to readjust, add to, subtract from, or completely throw out my plan for the week as I packed us up and moved. This was a very growing experience for me. I have finally learned to realize that life is unpredictable and I have to be willing to adjust to what it throws at me.  Hopefully this lesson sticks this time! 🙂 Being required to readjust every couple of hours definitely stretched me in new ways!

I suppose we did make things more complicated than they needed to be in this move. Continue reading

Fun Games to Play – Spouses Only! ;-)

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WeddingRings

Last week was Valentine’s Day! If you forgot or didn’t quite have time to get something, we have got you covered! Awhile back I came across the website for the Dating Divas. This website is devoted to dating your spouse to keep your marriage alive and thriving. As you have probably gathered, we are firm believer of keeping the intimate part of your relationship healthy. Now don’t get me wrong, we slip too and it falls down the priority chain. But we have committed to doing everything we can to keep it in its proper place. It is so important to have regular check-up conversations to make sure this part of your marriage doesn’t get lost in the hustle and bustle of life.

One way to slow down and really take the time to pour love into each other is to play a fun game. We aren’t talking about using objects to enhance your interaction but just taking the time to bless each other. All you need is you, your spouse and one of these games printed out on paper. Continue reading

Insecurities

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WeddingRings

This post is part of a series on marital intimacy and the things that get in its way.  First I discussed my spaghetti brain.  Today I’m talking about insecurity.

Insecurity

The other part to this problem is much trickier and harder to fix. But with honesty from the wife and gentleness and understanding from the husband, it can be done. It may take years, but it can be conquered!  Insecurities might be staring us in the face or maybe they are hidden so deep within that they have become our natural way of thinking. Only God is capable of healing your feelings of unworthiness, doubt and fears. But dear friend, He is so willing if you will let Him!! Beth Moore’s book “So Long Insecurity” is an excellent book to help you in this process.  I have learned that all women struggle with insecurity to some degree.  Here are a couple of mine: Continue reading

Spaghetti Brain

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WeddingRings

Last week we covered importance of marital intimacy, and the crucial role that communication plays in this area of your relationship.

Yesterday Nate talked about the top 5 hindrances that interfere with the husband’s ability to serve his wife in this area.  Today and tomorrow it is my turn.

Insecure Spaghetti

Insecurities and a spaghetti brain can be major hindrances for the wife to fully enjoy intimacy with her husband. If not dealt with properly, dissatisfaction, bitterness and feelings of failure can set in for one or both of the partners. Today I am going to explain how one of God’s wonderful gifts to women (our spaghetti brain) can work against us in the bedroom.  Continue reading