In 3 different posts, we have described the ways that having an accountability partner has changed our lives. (Mine, hers, hubby’s.) One of the secrets to our success was this list of accountability questions that I am going to share with you today. Purposefully focusing on accountability through these specific questions forced me to deal with issues head on, instead of continuing to procrastinate. Remember that accountability questions will vary from person to person, depending on your life stage and your weaknesses and struggles. You can definitely use our questions as a guide, but pray about it and see where God is leading you. You may have different things to work on than we do. (Side note: after 8 months of doing these questions we have adjusted them to meet our new needs, so don’t be afraid to adjust as you go. You don’t have to ask each other the exact same questions either, if you don’t struggle with the same things. Just make sure you aren’t avoiding things that you should be working on.)
Our biggest area of conviction was that we weren’t spending enough time and energy taking care of our husbands. We felt like we were just giving them the leftovers, and we weren’t being as kind as we could be. Here are the questions we came up with to address those problems. After the questions I will explain the heart behind them.
Weekly Accountability Questions
1.) What is one Scripture that you read this week that has meant something to you?
2.) How did you greet your husband when he came home from work this week?
3.) What is one intimate act of love you did for your husband this week?
4.) What fun or relaxing activity did you do with your husband this week?
5.) We all have interactions with our spouse that could have gone better. What is one interaction this week that you could have done better? What do you feel the Lord is showing you to change? How can I be praying for you?
6.) How did you surprise your husband with non-sexual touch this week?
7.) Were you able to pray for your husband this week?
8.) Anything else you want to talk about?
Printable Version Here: | Wife Accountability – Weekly Questions |
As you can see a lot of the questions were focused on the bedroom or activities leading up to the bedroom. I had found myself in a place where tiredness, laziness and wrong priorities had allowed this area to be less of a blessing than God had intended it to be. We were committing to focusing on uniting ourselves with our spouses. I am a firm believer that the quality of your intimacy directly affects the quality of your marriage. I was determined to get this back up to the top of the priority list.
Here are the background explanations of the questions:
1.) As with all things, you do so much better when you are spending time in the Word, time with God. This question was to remind us of who we need to be constantly connected with so that we can carry out His will for our lives.
2.) I was starting to get so wrapped up in the busy-ness of life that I wasn’t taking the time to even acknowledge when my husband came home. I wanted to make sure that I stopped what I was doing to give him a proper ‘hello.’ Sometimes it was just my words, other times it was a hug and kiss.
3.) It is important to my husband that I actively participate in our intimacy. This question was to remind me to think ahead and get ready to serve him. This question doesn’t have to get into the nitty-gritty details. I focus it more on our struggles to “get in the game,” the mental battle I am trying to overcome. It can also be a time to share fun things you have done, to the level you feel comfortable sharing. I will share some ideas next week!
4.) This is focused on how well did we connect with our husbands throughout the week. Remember back when you were dating how spending time with your future husband made you fall in love with him each and every day? We wanted to make sure that we were connecting and doing life together, not just living as roommates.
5.) This question was to make us stop and think about our face, tone and words. Were we being kind? Or were we just letting it fly, because they are our husbands and “they can take it”? We wanted to give our husbands our best, and not just our crabby, tired, frustrated selves.
6.) My husband’s top love language is physical touch. It is probably number 4 out of 5 for me, so this doesn’t come naturally. I wanted to have a weekly check-up so that I can keep this need in the front of my mind so that I made sure I was actively doing it. See our post on the 5 Love Languages or Creative Dates. It would be good to have one of your accountability questions focused on your husband’s top need.
7.) We wanted to be actively praying for our husbands. This was hard for us to do on a consistent basis. What helped me the most was to print a calendar and list on each day a specific thing to pray about that day. The table of contents of The Power of a Praying Wife has a lot of good suggestions. My partner asked God for a verse to be praying over her husband during the week. Do what works best for you!
8.) This is where we could share anything else that we wanted. Sometimes it was a prayer request or question, sometimes words of encouragement, yet other times we tried to figure out when we could have a play date.
I will warn you that 8 questions is a lot. I would recommend starting with 4. Several of these topics we had been talking about and working on before we started the official accountability, so it wasn’t like we were jumping into 8 new things to work on.
Another Side Note: It is important to choose your accountability partner wisely. You want someone who thinks the same way about marriage as you do. One who has the same standards or higher. One who is committed to serving their husband even when they do not feel like it. They might not always do it, of course, but they need to have the heart to serve. You want a friend who will not just pat you on the back and help you come up with excuses on why you aren’t following through with your plan but one who will encourage you to keep at it and do better next time. It is also important that the friend uses the Bible to find wisdom. We can all come up with good ideas, but if they aren’t led by God they will not accomplish the end goal.
I pray that you will find the right partner that you can work together to shape each of you into the godly wife that God has already equipped you to be. Pray that God shows you the right areas of your marriage that you need to be working on and the exact questions that focus on the main focus of that need. I know that when you commit to doing better, God meets you exactly where you are and helps change you into who He created you to be.