At the beginning of the summer I took on a part time job at our church. Since April I have served as the Children’s Ministry Coordinator and have loved every minute of it. It is a fun job but a crazy, busy job. VBS filled up most of my summer and the time spent paid off since 48 children made a commitment to the Lord!! (Sidenote: International Spy Academy by Answers in Genesis was AWESOME!! I highly recommend it for your church! Here is 2015’s Camp Kilimanjaro!)
In the past I worked 12 hours a week as a pharmacist. I got the privilege of working with my husband for most of my working career and loved it. My work schedule was less hectic than my husband’s manager job, but for the most part he took the time to eat lunch with me and connect with me throughout the day. It was great.
Then I got pregnant with our fourth child. We decided it was time for me to stay home. Not having those close connections during the week I started to crave more interaction with my husband. I wanted to know how he was doing, and I for sure wanted him to know what was going on in my day. I desired to hear his voice – to me it comforted my soul. Well, as we adjusted to the new way of doing things, I mourned the loss of our lunch dates and the random phone calls or emails. I began to get hurt when he could only give me 2 minutes of his time before he went on to his next meeting. There would be days when he would forget to call at lunch (which I am blessed that he does call on a fairly regular basis) and I would be sad and feel neglected.
Well fast forward two years later when I started working at the church. The job that I am doing could be a 20 hour a week job, but I only go into the office 6 hours a week and try to get the rest done at home so that I am not away from the boys more than that. So the six hour are precious time to get as much done as possible. One and half hours of those six are spent in a staff meeting so that takes away from my work time as well. As we transitioned to our new schedule my husband continued to try to connect with me around lunch. Sometimes he calls at 11 since he has a noon meeting, forgetting that I am still in my staff meeting. Other times he would call right in the middle of an email that I am trying craft. Still other times I have someone in my office trying to get answers to a question. So there are days when it isn’t “convenient” to talk to my husband. I love him and do desire to make that connection, but some days I just can’t afford the time during work.
One day we were talking on the phone and I told him that right now really isn’t a good time to talk and he chuckled and said, “No worries, I understand.” Then it dawned on me. He really does totally understand. There are days when he is in the middle of writing a policy and doesn’t want to lose his train of thought, or someone is in his office wanting him to fix a problem. Still others times he is trying desperately to get his to-do list done for his boss so that he can leave on time to help me get the house ready for company. Then I realized that all those times when he “didn’t have time” for me was because he was working so hard to try to provide for me and the kids that he was unable to give me the focused attention he knew I deserved.
This was eye opening to me and gave me some insight into the lives of our husbands and the struggles they have to deal with to balance work and home. I am so thankful that he has a job and he works with integrity. So ladies, try this week to give your husbands a little more slack for working so hard and for not being able to communicate as often as you would like. Sure, they may need to work less or communicate more. But remember they are doing the best they can to balance work and life. Here is a good challenge for you: Make them want to make time to connect with you instead of making them wonder if they are going to get a guilt trip or not.