For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24 (NASB)
This verse describes one of the greatest gifts God has given man: marriage. When I got married I did not understand the depths of this union. Becoming one is so much more than a nice phrase that you hear during the ceremony. It is unity of mind, soul and body into a brand new being. Together you are a new creation, much better than you would ever be apart. Together you represent God in a much fuller way. Because this union is so sacred and has the potential to glorify God in such a deep way, Satan will do his best to destroy it, or at least help it fall into indifference.
I am a firm believer of two things:
- Satan will try anything to unite two people intimately together before they get married, and will try anything to separate the two after they say I do.
- The quality of your intimacy has a direct correlation to the quality of your marriage.
These two reasons should put you on high alert and drive you to protect and secure the safety of your relationship. Intimacy is such a tricky topic for any married couple to discuss. So many emotions and insecurities are woven deeply into this sensitive topic. This is also an area where the differences between males and females shine as brightly as the sun.
There are 3 main points that are important to understand before we continue:
- Remember that marital intimacy is for the benefit of both partners.
- Remember that insecurities are probably playing a huge role in your differing ideas.
- Remember that your focus should be about serving your partner and not about what you can get out of the relationship.
Once you think about these three and start believing them, you have to start acting like you believe it. But sometimes it is just hard to do that, especially during the early child raising years. During these crazy, busy, tiring years your marriage can be put on the back burner. This however, is never a place that your marriage should be. It should always be placed before kids, jobs, church and friends and only second to God.
If we are not purposeful, the marriage and especially the marriage bed can slip down the line of importance. What puts it there? Tiredness, Laziness, Busy-ness, Not making it a priority, expecting the other to pursue or initiate, unresolved feelings towards the other person or not having the same expectations.
It is now February, a well-known month of love. So it is a good time to sit down and think about where you marriage is, especially focusing on the most intimate part. Are you happy about it? Do you feel loved and respected? Is your spouse? Do you even know what their thoughts are about this issue? Is this something that you talk about often? Do you know how to serve your spouse in this area, or putting it another way, do you know how to turn your spouse on?
Today we just want you to sit down with God and evaluate your marital intimacy. Is it where you want it to be? Is it to the place where God intended it to be, full of love, desire and intimacy? If not, ask God to show you what is missing. What are areas that you can do better to make this more enjoyable and fulfilling for your spouse?
Tomorrow we will talk about ways to broach this subject with your spouse. Until then spend time with God on this subject.