The Foundation of Marriage


With the right foundation, you can construct a building that will touch the sky! 

I grew up in Illinois, so when I think of tall buildings I think of the Sears Tower.  This 110 story building is 1,450 feet tall, and is estimated to weigh 222,500 tons.  Truly impressive! But without the right foundation, it would be about as sturdy as a single column Lego tower on your living room carpet.  How do you build a foundation for something as magnificent as this?  They dug a hole 100 foot deep and attached anchors directly into the bedrock!  According to some sources, it took as much as 2,000,000 cubic yards of concrete to do the job.  Now that is a strong foundation!

What Kind of Marriage Are You Building?

Building a marriage also takes a lot of effort.  If you want your marriage to stand tall through all kinds of winds and storms, and if you want your marriage to be an inspiration and a blessing, then you will need to invest in a strong foundation.

A wise man once told me that the secret to every relationship is to go above and beyond.  (I’m serious – he was literally a “wiseman!” He was holding myrrh, and he was in our Christmas production, so pay attention!)  To successfully make a strong marriage foundation you have to go above and beyond.  It is not easy, but it is very simple: 


There are 2 steps to a vibrant marriage:

  1. Get to know your spouse.
  2. Serve them the way they need to be served. 

It is really that simple.  But if you have been married or have ever met someone of the opposite gender, you will know that it is simple in concept but devilishly hard in practice.  I needed a lot of help to have a chance at decoding what exactly my wife needed from me, so I looked to mentors who could give advice.  We also found several books that have served as ‘blueprints’ for the foundation-building process.  We recommend these to every married couple we meet, and we will review them for you in upcoming weeks.


The 6 books that have helped us to build a foundation for our marriage.   

  • Love and Respect: Describes the deepest needs of a wife and a husband
  • The Five Love Languages: A very practical introduction to the idea of figuring out what your spouse needs from you and providing it in a way that they are able to receive it.  (See OPL post here.)
  • His Needs, Her Needs:  This author gives the 10 ways that you can make deposits in your partner’s ‘Love Bank.’
  • Sacred Marriage: Changes your perspective by proposing that God designed marriage to make you holy, not to make you happy.
  • For Men Only and For Women Only :  More specifically explains the ways that men and women see things differently and have different needs.

If you are building a chicken coop, then perhaps a foundation is unnecessary.  But for anything worthwhile you will need to put in the work.  Whether you are still on your honeymoon or have been married for 50 years, we hope and pray that you will convinced that your marriage is worth it!  It is never too early to begin strengthening your marriage, and it is also never too late.

Please join with us and build a marriage that will stand tall on a secure foundation.

We want to know: These are our favorite books – what are yours?  


Ten Other Posts You May Like:

The Servant Husband

Fun Games for Spouses to Play

Marital Intimacy: Two Become One, Communicating, Troubleshooting

Maintenance Required

Giving and Receiving Love

Creative Date Nights

Is Your Marriage Safe? 

Cinderella, Huck Finn, and Duck Dynasty

Sears/Willis Tower Facts: 

Willis Tower



Image Credits:  Our Purposeful Life, 2014

2 thoughts on “The Foundation of Marriage

  1. Pandia says:

    We of course love all the books you list… I guess reading them in small group together will do that! I have also liked the articles on sex that XXX church puts out. They provide frank, realistic information and advice for today’s married couples. I follow them on Facebook. While not all of their articles are relevant to us, i.e. What to do if you find your child looking at porn, or how you can support your husband through a porn addiction, many of them are good conversation starters for spouses. I would recommend them to any couple.

    1. Nate says:

      Thanks Pandia!

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