Sometimes the most frustrating arguments can be solved by the most simple of solutions: ask questions and listen!
“No I am not Joe’s sister!” (name changed to protect the innocent 🙂
“Yes you are!!”
“No I am not!
“Yes you are!”
“I don’t understand. I am not his sister!”
This is the heated debate that I walked into. Both girls were getting visibly upset. One was almost in tears as she desperately tried to get her sister to understand. The other one was getting angrier and angrier by the minute. I intervened and told them both to take a deep breath. They did and then immediately started actively explaining their side of the story, at the same time. I told them to take another breath, make a silly face, repeat the silly face with more heart and then take a deep breath.
I felt they were both able to then calmly tell me their side of the story. After hearing both I tried to explain to Bekah what Hannah meant about Joe being her brother. After giving my paragraph explanation she immediately said she didn’t understand. Frustrated by her unwillingness to try to understand I tried a different approach. I said one sentence at a time and asked her if she understood that sentence before moving to the next sentence.
“Do you understand how you, Hannah, Luke and Jacob are all brothers and sisters because you have the same dad?”
“Okay, good. When you ask Jesus into your heart you become a daughter of God, just like you are a daughter of Daddy. Do you remember that?”
“Well when Joe asks Jesus into his heart, he became a son of God, just like Luke is a son of Daddy. So when people ask Jesus into their hearts they become a son or daughter of God. So everyone who asks Jesus into their heart is a son or daughter of God. This makes us all brothers and sisters of our Father God. Does that make sense?”
UGG! Why is she not getting it? Thankful I thought to ask her to explain what part she didn’t understand.
“We don’t kiss Joe, so how can we be his brother?!?!?!?!?”
Ohh! Now I get why she was so adamant that he could not be her brother. We have had many conversations about the fact that you are only allowed to kiss someone that you are related to and no one else. So in her mind saying Joe was a brother meant we could or should kiss him…and we have specifically told her that this particular boy cannot kiss her (he has tried many times).
Now her frustration was making perfect sense! I understood her now. I went on to explain that a brother or sister in Christ was different than a blood relative. We treat each type differently. The brother and sister in Christ we could read our Bibles with, pray with them and hang out, but we do not kiss them like we do Hannah or Luke.
Once we got this misunderstanding cleared up, she was oK with the idea that Joe was her brother.
It was a good reminder and a good lesson for Hannah to learn too. You need to try to figure out why the other person doesn’t get it, what is hanging them up and keeping them from believing you. Then you can address the real “kissing” issue instead of just trying many different ways to prove your same point. You actually have to stop and listen.
I am going to try to remember this the next time I am proving, I mean teaching my children something! 🙂