Last year, Hannah and I had a disagreement on whether or not she was supposed to keep track of her piano practice minutes. In previous weeks her assignment was to keep track of the total amount of minutes that she practiced each day. But then at this particular lesson her teacher changed it to only keep track of playing one song for 5 minutes and the rest of the songs she is supposed to play 5 times. Hannah and I had a heated debate on how she was supposed to document her practice time. It ended with Hannah in tears because she knew she was right, and with me frustrated because I knew I was right but couldn’t convince my daughter to trust me.
Now I know in the grand scheme of things this is not a hill to die on, but this was starting to form a pattern of arguing with me over everything and not trusting me. That issue I feel is a hill to die on. I want my daughter to be able to trust that I want what is best for her and that I do not want to cause her harm or pain.
Nate decided to step in and talk with Hannah. He had a great discussion with my confident, “always right” firstborn who is just like her mother. Nate began the conversation with this idea: “It is better to trust your mom than to be right.”They talked through different scenarios where it is extremely important for her to stand her ground and not back down. Situations when the decision involves safety or sin. Otherwise she needs to learn to trust those who love and care for her. Even if that person is potentially wrong it is more important to trust their heart.
He also talked through what would happen if I was wrong and how she would handle the situation with her piano teacher. He coached her on how she could have a conversation with her piano teacher to clarify this situation. He talked about the importance of obeying your mom because that is what God calls us to do. Then he also suggested that in this situation she might actually be wrong. Nate explained that there is times when we misunderstand and think we have it right but in all reality we are wrong. Nate went on to explain that in this situation it was more important to obey your mom than get mad and continue to argue. He reassured her that her piano teacher would not be upset, and that they would be able to clarify the disagreement at the next piano lesson.
Since my daughter is a lot like me it really made me think about how I handle disagreements with others. I do tend to die on too many insignificant hills instead of trusting the other person’s heart and intent. I hope the next time that I am confronted with an opposing view I take the time to evaluate whether the decision is important enough to battle.
Philippians 2:3-5 (NIV) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: